Day 12: Day of Reflection

Wish 12: Meaning

We were placed on this Earth to help others. So what are the others supposed to be doing?

Christmas Day abruptly ends days (or weeks) of frantic preparation. It gives us time for pause and reflection.

For my daughter, the day arrives and she feels like it isn't really Christmas. It's just another day though more relaxed than the previous days. For my son in Africa, he is not only homesick but absolutely lost at how no one around puts meaning on this one day. My wife is just glad she can sleep in and relax. For all of us, there is time. Time we didn't have for a long time. And it makes us think.

Aside from celebrating the birth of Christ, what does this day do for you? Our pastor will try again to make this two thousand year old event be relevant to this day. I think the relevance - and meaning - of this day are very personal.

The meaning of Christmas is... and you should fill the blanks. While you're at it, expand your statement to the rest of the year, and the rest of your life. The meaning of it all is...

I wish on Christmas day for everyone to find the meaning of their life. You might not even express it in words, but in a feeling.

Day 11: Almost making it

Wish 11: Solace

It's not the pace of life that bothers me. It's the sudden stop in the end.

While most of us are celebrating the birth of Christ, there are others for which this season brings back sad memories. Death happens all 12 months of the year; when it happens close to Christmas, it just changes the mood, every year.

There is a 600-pound gorilla in the room I've been pretending to ignore. (It's a metaphor, guys.) A business colleague and friend passed away recently, rather suddenly. I was saddened, and I kept on writing here every day.

My friend had suffered for a long time, but didn't let anyone know. She just kept on working on her two advocacies - saving dogs and helping the hard of hearing. Days after she passed, just last night, I found out her secret and her courage to bear the pain of dying.

As we age, we will see more of our friends and family members, including ourselves, go through the trials of health.

My sister wrote me that her Christmas wish was to see a cure for cancer. It has surely taken many of our relatives. We recall how difficult it was for them to take the news, and then to watch it take its toll. We have also had relatives, including my brother, survive cancer; and we are thankful for the extra lease on life.

Why would the good Lord create such a devastating anomalies that we should succumb to, and that the surviving relatives and friends would bear? Someone said cancer is a way to look back at one's life, and to have time to say goodbye. Statistics still show that highest cancer deaths occur at old age. The body's cells stop regenerating properly. What we call dying of old age is likely a cancer-related death.

There are too many parameters to say what we should wish for this or that. Living forever is boring. I can't really wish for a cure for old age... that is part of God's plan to provide fullness and closure in this life. All I can wish for really is to save the little children so that we can benefit from their freshness and promise.

I can also wish for those facing the inevitable - that their final journey is rich and full of love. And I wish for solace for those left behind, and that they cherish all the positive memories of their loved ones every day.

Day 10: A balancing act

Wish 10: Various kinds of balance.

In Christmas 2007, I missed writing for this blog. I wasn't busy really - I just procrastinated.

These were the wishes I was working on, but didn't get around to. It is divided into seven parts, and it is all about balance.

1. Balance my time

Not balancing my time is how I got into posting late in the first place.

When you look at the number of hours in a week, you can break it up into your main activities. You'll find there huge chunks of time spent sleeping, grooming, eating and traveling. Then, you'll have a balance of time spent on different tasks or roles: your job, your family, your friends, studies, entertainment, exercise, etc. The leftover time - your discretionary time - is something you have to decide how to use. Part of that is the "reflection time" I talk about many times in these posts.

Reflection time is good. It is how we further ourselves and mankind. Without reflection time, there could be no art, civilization and progress.

In our busy lives, the nice thing about reflection is that it could be combined with some other time. For example, worship time is also reflection time. You can also use waiting time for that. Caught in a traffic jam, or stuck in a bus - think about things that matter. Exercise and walking the dog time are perfect for reflection too - and that's three things at the same time.

Finally reflection helps relieve stress, which helps us live longer. Find that time for yourself. By writing this, I'm forcing myself to use this time to reflect.

2. Balance perceptions

Two years ago, when Britney Spears' 16-year-old sister announced that she was pregnant and will have her baby, I heard the most heartless comments around. Like, "She's only 16? What is wrong with her?" Also, "I'm not letting my kids watch the show she appears in." And, "What kind of parents do those kids have?" To them I say, give her a break.

Two thousand years ago, Mary, a 16-year-old, told her parents she was pregnant. And she gave birth on Christmas morning. Can you imagine what strong faith everybody had at that time to believe that a young virgin would become the mother of God?

Now consider Jamie Lynn Spears. She could have kept it quiet and had an abortion. Instead, she risked the scorn of her parents and the public. It was a mistake, and she's doing the right thing by keeping the baby. Part of critical thought and opinion is balancing the bad with the good.

3. Balance the checkbook

There are extremists who think money and businesses are evil. They are not inherently evil. When the people handling money and running businesses get greedy, they make profit-making bad.

I make no apologies for trying to make a living. I need money in this earth to feed my family, send my kids to school and have a roof over our heads. When I run a business, I have to hire people, who make their living from my venture.

If in the future I get to earn more than I need, then someone please remind me not to use it for frivolous material goods like flashy cars, jewelry or gambling. I should be giving something back to good causes.

4. Balance demeanor

I wish to always know the right time to be serious, and the rest of the time to smile.

5. Balanced meals

I wish to be sufficiently healthy by eating the right foods and getting exercise.

6. Balanced treatment of others

Someone accused me of being a hypocrite as a Christian. She said that I should only favor fellow Christians - not non-believers when I work with people. Even though I explained that it was simply good etiquette and simple respect for all people, no matter what their religion. She would not have it. She said that's only what politicians do.

Many people are set in their prejudices. This woman wore a badge of self-righteousness. But I am not going to wish that she change her perceptions, for that change may never ever come to pass. I will wish that despite extreme opinions, I will remain tolerant.

7. Balanced use of media

A friend subscribed me to an online forum on wellness. I read the posts and found many interesting topics. One day, one contributor went off-topic, releasing an anti-Christian sensational story more convoluted than the Da Vinci Code. I asked that hate topics be removed from that forum, and got a barrage of messages against me. Accusations of narrowmindedness and defending clergy who abused children were among them.

I reiterated my reasons for the request: (a) the story was based on speculation, not history, (b) it was "Christian-bashing" in general and (c) it was off-topic within the forum. After a few calming messages, tempers cooled. The forum was never the same again. All those members who wrote nasty things reflected on how negative their reactions were in relation to the "wellness" topic. The forum disbanded after six months.

Bashing has become commonplace in social networks. Many teens have contemplated (and commited) suicide due to attacks to their dignity on MySpace sites. Negative hurtful comments and opinions fill the video pages in YouTube. That is the price of freedom of speech.

The medium of Web 2.0 is not the problem, because it simply provides the forum for exchange. For all the benefits social media give to connecting people, these technologies help more than hurt.

Nonetheless, my wish is for a proper use of media that does not degrade the dignity of any individual.

Day 9: Skipping Christmas

Wish 9: My Christmas

Today, another sib and family are flying off to warmer climes. Last Sunday, my brother and his family also rushed out to spend Christmas in Florida. Some good friends are doing the same. "Merry Christmas," they tell me, with a small grin on their faces. I would be a hypocrite to say I'm not jealous.

I'm stuck here because I gotta look after the shop. So are my younger sibs. We're sort of like the 24/7 people whom I mentioned in Day 7. My sister, the doctor, has to be on emergency service on Christmas. We can't all be together on the Eve dinner.

This situation reminds me of the 2001 book of John Grisham, entitled Skipping Christmas. It was turned into a movie Christmas with the Kranks a few years later. In the story, Luther and Nora Krank decide to forego all Christmas festivities and expenditures in favor of a cruise in the Bahamas.

What I like about the story is how commercial and pretentious Christmas had become in modern times. The story portrays shops that presume that the Kranks will reorder things from greeting cards to Christmas trees, and then are shocked to hear that they would not order this year. Friends are already planning to be at their house for Christmas Eve, and are dismayed that no festivities are planned. Even neighbors are in arms because Luther won't put up tacky and audacious lights on the house.

The peer pressure to look and act Christmassy is something I dislike.

Christmas at my parent's home varied from year to year. Most years, we decked the halls, and lighted up a tree. On one particular year when business was bad, there were no decorations - no tree. The tree came to symbolize a relatively good year. More donations to charity also coincided with the tree. But the one thing we never miss year after year is the church service.

At the end of the story, the Kranks learn something valuable about family and tradition. But it falls short because the pretentiousness is not lost - it is just delayed until the next Christmas season.

I've thought about skipping Christmas in the past few years. The season can get expensive with all the expectations on us. And I can't help but question how the ostentation relates to the birth of Christ.

My wish this year is for my own customized Christmas - a celebration that my family and I feel comfortable with - a celebration that I am not pressured to produce. And for my Christmas, I would love to have my sibs join us for dinner, church and gathering around the tree.

Day 8: Love you forever

Wish 8: Bottle Great Memories

Down in the basement, there are 3, maybe 4 boxes filled with school projects, test papers and knick-knacks that our grown up kids built. They're taking up valuable space in my office.

Every time I ask my wife to join me in a campaign to rid the basement of unneeded clutter, the same thing happens. When she gets to those boxes, she pauses to look at the pile and sighs. At that point, the campaign is over. The boxes go back into the stack they came from. She cannot find it in her heart to throw out anything that reminds her of the innocent years.

I, too, have a big project I may never get around to doing. I have about 40 hours of home videos that need to be converted to DVD. We have also reduced the number of photo frames around the house, but it still looks cluttered.

Items that help us remember are all over the house. I have stopped making excuses for that clutter when visitors arrive. I lie about it, "we're renovating. He he."

At this point, I was going to wish for - perfect memory (with an echo)! Wouldn't it be great if I could just access my own memories on command. For example: "Ah, yes. At 1340H on March 16, 1988, Mike plugged a rosary into the wall outlet, flew back from the huge shock that fused the rosary parts together. No injuries, but my wife still ran around in tears while carrying him. Still don't know how the kid got past the socket protector. Our inebriated neighbor offered to drive us to the hospital, and naturally we declined. A scary moment, but memorable. Sigh."

Perfect memory also has its pitfalls. If we remember everything, we could be storing details that are not important: "I remember there was a dime on the floor, and the cat scratcher commercial was on TV."

Also, we need to forget certain things, like bad blood and arguments that were resolved. No, I am not going to wish for (run the echo machine here again) - perfect memory!

What I really wish for is a way to bottle our most cherished memories. And then recall them in moments of reflection (I've already wished for that on Day 10 of the 12 Wishes of Christmas in 2006).

Thank you, sis, for the wish idea.

--o--

While on this topic, I want to mention an excellent children's book that is also for adults. If you haven't heard of it, it is called Love You Forever, by Robert Munsch. He wrote the book to remember his two stillborn babies. I bought one for my wife and one for my mother. It has already sold 15 million copies.

Day 7: 24/7

Wish 7: Rest

It's the last few days before Christmas and Wal-Mart nearby is open 24 hours. I am tempted to go to Wal-Mart in my pajamas at 3:00 in the morning just to be sure they're really doing it.

We all already know the term 24/7 - to refer to 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Some businesses emphasize 365 days a year too. When young executives use that term, they are signaling that they are dedicated. They punctuate it with "110%" dedication, as if it existed. (In the Czech Republic, 24/7 stores are called "non-stop" stores.)

Many businesses don't need to be that way. Even if websites can serve and take orders anytime of day, there is automation that will handle certain tasks. Clients are willing to wait a few hours after an online transaction to hear from a real person. So, most businesses want to be 24/7 because they want to meet all their target clients' time needs.

Some services we take for granted are also 24/7. However, these services are needed. Ambulatory services for example. The fire department, the police and emergency services are all 24/7. Utility companies have to ensure the reliable and safe deliver of power, water and natural gas. The military and armed forces have to keep watch for threats, or fight a war.

My parish church is the first in British Columbia, Canada to start a 24/7 service. Following the scripture where Christ asked his apostles, "could you not wait with me an hour?", our parish started a 24 hour a day vigil of the Blessed Sacrament. It doesn't get much publicity, but it has been going on for close to a decade. In fact, my sister will be there at 11:00-12:00midnight on Christmas Eve.

My thoughts are for all those people who are watching for us and serving us even when we take a day off to celebrate the birth of Christ. For the doctors, nurses, military, police, security guards, parishioners in a vigil, and those caring for others, I wish them rest at some point in this Yuletide Season. God so loves those who look after things for everyone else 24/7 that he announced the birth of Christ to shepherds first.

God rest ye Gentlemen and Ladies who serve us 24/7.

Day 6: The man who saved Christmas

Wish 6: Faith

My daughter couldn't help but wonder why Christmas traditions are the way they are. She's 13 and she feels gypped.

She asked me why it is okay to let a fat man in through the chimney in the middle of the night ... and even serve him milk and cookies. Also, why do people cut down trees, bring them indoors and then throw them out? Finally, why do movies portray "saving Christmas" as helping Santa deliver his gifts to all the good boys and girls.

Here is a true story. There was a guy whose situation was so weird, he felt gypped at first. But without him, Christmas would not have happened.

A middle aged construction worker has a 16-year old girlfriend. (Isn't that an offense?) Then, she finds out she is pregnant and not by her boyfriend. She is frightened to let her boyfriend know. She goes to visit and hide at her 50-year-old cousin's who also happens to be pregnant. (This is getting bizarre.)

Finally, she has the courage to go back home. Her pregnancy shows. Her parents are livid. They try to hide her. Her boyfriend finds out and is outraged. What should her boyfriend do?

Against reasonableness, the boyfriend marries the 16-year old girl.

By now, you have figured out that you been reading the story of Joseph the carpenter.

Joseph could have left Mary and her family to suffer shame and humiliation from a "virgin conception". Worse, in those days, pregnant women who were not married were stoned to death!

You can think that Joseph wanted to save Mary from humiliation or death, so he did the noble thing. But the real reason was even as weird as the immaculate conception.

He was told what to do in a dream. And he believed! What a leap of faith!

He went on to love Mary and dedicate his life protecting Mary and Jesus. Without Joseph, Mary would have been stoned to death. Without Joseph, Mary would not have made it to Bethlehem to give birth.

St. Joseph the carpenter saved Christmas.

When we read this story without the context of the scriptures, and it sounds too unusual to be true. The situation and characters defy reasonableness, they could be featured in a talk show.

But since we know it is the story of Mary and Joseph, we accept the weirdness. It is part of our faith.

Today, I give thanks and recognition to a fellow father and a caring husband. His actions form part of our faith, and contributed to the raising of the Saviour of the World. A billion and a half people around the world celebrate Christmas because of him.

Here's to Joseph. And my wish is for us to keep our faith.

Day 5: Lessons my mistakes taught me

Wish 5: Learning from mistakes

Most of my siblings and I are great at wrapping Christmas gifts. It comes from having a huge family. Every Christmas eve, we exchanged gifts. And as the family grew, it took later and later into the evening to begin opening presents.

How we got good at wrapping is practice, and learning from mistakes. When you have to wrap 14 gifts in one hour, you are under a lot of pressure. In the earlier Christmases, those gifts look like they were kicked around in a post office. Later, the folds and lines got cleaner. Today, adding ribbons and bows is second nature to us. It took a lot of Christmases to get to here. Luckily, everyone forgave the earlier mistakes; after all, a gift is still a gift.

In 2005, Day 8 of this Blog, I talked about a P&G maintenance manager who made a huge costly mistake. However, he didn't get fired. He was told, "We just spent a lot of money on your education. Why would we fire you?"

Today, my daughter submitted a project paper. I knew it would not get the best grade because I am also an instructor who grades papers. Instead of fixing it for her (which was against my wife's wishes), I let her finish her own paper.

Two things come about from this situation. First, we are letting our daughter make a mistake. Hopefully she will learn from it. We cannot be there always to bail our kids out. I believe people learn from failure, not from success. So what if it means a lower grade? Life is not about the scorecards.

The second thing is that she will own the mistake, the lesson, and eventually her successes. This does great things for one's self-esteem.

If you think successful people never make mistakes, you're in for a surprise. The most successful leaders not only learn from mistakes, they take responsibility. They are accountable. They even take the blame for the mistakes of their subordinates. And then, they rise above it.

The title of one inspiring book tells it all: "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful: Mistakes, Adversity, Failure and other Steppingstones to Success" (Tallfellow Press). This video provides an overview and lessons we can learn from successful people's failures.

My wish is not necessarily to make mistakes. Those will happen without encouragement.

My wish is that we are surrounded by people who do not think less of us for our mistakes, and that we can learn from failure.

Day 4: Chain around the world

Wish 4: Stop Chain Letters

OK, a lot of you won't like what I'm about to wish here. You probably already took me out of your "forward to" mailing list. That's because over the past decade, I've been shooting down chain letters.

Guys, this is for your own good: Stop forwarding chain letters.

You know what they look like. They have the message "forward this to your friends..." at the end. Sometimes, it includes the dire warning "...or else!..."

I've heard your reasoning. You say, hey, what's the harm. You say, I've got nothing to lose. You also say, I'm doing you a favor. But as long as it asks you to forward the message as part of the message, it is a chain letter that is playing on your emotions.

What emotions are these? Here are just a few. Empathy is one. Just recently, a chain letter went out regarding a child who was going to have his last Christmas alive. Over 25,000 people responded with greeting cards and money. It's 2009, and still so many people fell for this hoax. This story is over two decades old, and just gets rehashed.

How about fear? If you don't forward this email, bad luck will follow you. Come on. The worst thing that has happened is that the sender was inconsiderate enough to give you this fear over nothing. You should politely tell your sender that you are not superstitious.

The Guilt Chain Letter is my number 1 enemy. The worst letters I've read say that you are not a good Christian, or a good parent, or a good neighbor, or even a good human being, if you don't forward the chain letter. The letter even has a few inspiring pictures, or a prayer. You're hooked because you like those messages... up to the point where non-action will lead to poor self worth.

Remember that for every chain letter you come across, there was a crafty author who wants to see how far around the world this new hoax will travel.

When is a letter not a chain letter? When you send it to someone without any call for action to forward it. If there is a message you like to send someone, just send it without the last command, "Please forward this to..." That last sentence ruins it for me, even though I know the sender wants to wish me well.

Wish 4 is an end to all chain letters. Yes, all chain letters. If you send a message, don't ask to forward it. Let that decision be the receiver's.

"Chain Mail International" is an award-winning short film parodying the chain letter. Have a look at it at www.chainmailinternational.com

Before you go, I want you to forward this blog to 10 friends within the next 14 seconds. Otherwise you are a naughty person whom Santa will not give a gift to this year, and your body will be covered in Tazmanian warts within 24 hours.

Day 3: US Recovery = World Recovery

Wish 3: Recovery

When I wrote this blog last year, some of my topics included the gloom over the economic downturn. It has been a challenging year for businesses, small and large. And even though this is a blog of hope and positivity, I've always believed in facing the brutal facts of the current situation.

I live in Canada. There is an unspoken resentment among many Canadians that the Americans (especially those who bash their timid neighbors in the North) deserve what is happening to them. Even though Canadian systems provided better controls over borrowing from the start, the U.S. mortgage crisis was just too heavy a burden, it affected money supply around the world. So, there are many Canadians who secretly mutter blame at America for the recession in Canada and the rest of the world.

Americans lost their jobs by the millions in 2009. At 10% unemployment, one in ten families is rethinking how Christmas will be celebrated. And here is a disturbing figure.

About a quarter of those unemployed are about to lose their unemployment benefits by the end of 2009. They have not been able to find jobs in a whole year, no matter how well they followed the hundreds of thousands of tips on finding jobs.

If about 1.5 million working adults are about to drop off the map by the New Year, will they no longer be counted as unemployed? Will unemployment figures be rosier, but not so in reality? It is difficult to fathom so many families just living off their last savings until there is none. That will stall recovery.

I suggest that we look at the current reality and move forward. Blaming is unproductive and backward facing. I firmly believe that a U.S.A. recovery is a world recovery. The key to recovery is jobs creation, and America needs it now. Increase in spending will increase economic activity everywhere, and there is nowhere to go but positive growth.

My wish for today is the other "R" word: Recovery.

Day 2: The only one we've got

Wish 2: Progress

"All I want for Christmas is my planet back."

That could well be our children's Christmas wish in 20 years. Unless there is progress at the climate change talks in Copenhagen.

Let's wish for progress. Not in terms of increasing the consumption of our scarce natural resources, but in discussing how we can save the only world we know.

Day 1: A World Apart – And So Close

Wish 1: Comfort and Joy

Twenty five years ago, our family was apart at Christmas for the first time. I was in Europe, and my two brothers were in North America. So the siblings we left behind sang Christmas songs into cassette tapes and sent them to us.

It was in one of those tapes that I heard my father talk from the heart. I have never heard him so emotional before. No doubt, celebrating Christmas apart for the first time since my parents started their family had a strong impact on him.

Now, it’s my turn. My 20 year old son is somewhere in Africa doing something he loves. We occasionally get emails and a short phone call. He is all right. But he is so far away, and anything we send him will take weeks to get there. This is the first time that my family will be celebrating Christmas apart.

We are worried for him. And based on the letters he sent us earlier, he is homesick. At the same time, he is excited about his advocacy, and we are very proud of him.

What did my parents advise me when I lived so far away? In a short phrase: “When you’re homesick, pray.” That has stuck with me for a quarter of a century. It was tough at first, but it works. I’ve told my son the same thing. And I pray it works for him too.

What any parent feels when their children go out on their own is worry about their wellbeing. What the young adult feels is homesickness. The common remedy is communication and prayer.

Today, I wish for both of us – for my son and for myself. I want to be comforted with the thought that he is doing fine and there is nothing to worry about. And I want him to experience the joy of following his passion, and knowing what he wants to do with his life.

The fourth year of "Twelve Wishes"

Hello. This is the fourth year of this blog. I hope you enjoy this year's 12 wishes of Christmas.

Please send in suggestions for wishes. And come back every day until Christmas to read a new blog. Thanks for reading!