Merry Christmas! Whatever time of the year you are in. There are many things we'd like to wish for, and you can help me. From December 13th to the 24th, I will post one wish a day. Your wish could be one of this year's twelve wishes. -Leo, Vancouver, BC, Canada
Merry Christmas everbody. Today I wish for you the peace of Christ. The deep peace that comforts you and warms you.
These are the words to A Gaelic Blessing, which was made for choir by John Rutter in 1978. It expresses very well today's wish.
Deep peace of the running wave to you. Deep peace of the flowing air to you. Deep peace of the quiet earth to you. Deep peace of the shining stars to you. Deep peace of the gentle night to you; Moon and stars pour their beaming light on you. Deep peace of Christ, the light of the world, to you. Deep peace of Christ to you.
When I set out to write the 12 Wishes of Christmas, I was also trying to find out what people were wishing for.
It wasn't easy. I was expecting surveys that showed people cared. I thought people were wishing for peace, an end to apartheid, hunger, famine and terrorism. I thought people wanted the troops safely home. But no survey showed those in big numbers.
A recent survey in the USA showed that getting a vehicle was the number 1 wish this Christmas. Then comes clothes and TVs. Family and friends come in at number 4 - tied with cellphones! Peace on Earth, getting a job and paying off debts are far down the materialism-dominant list.
I think the surveys are asking the wrong questions. They are asking what people want to get for Christmas, not what they wished for others.
The surveys could also be wrong because people are easily influenced by the latest buzzwords. Another survey in 2000 found that half of the children wanted what they just saw on a TV commercial at the time the survey was taken. (No wonder I could never get a good response from my kids when they were young.)
If you widen a web search to find out what people are asking for around the world, the results are too random. Let's face it, wishes are subjective. People given the chance to imagine that they can have anything will identify with their material world. What they are answering is the question, "If you won a million dollars, what would you do with it?"
And then tonight, I happen to ask a regular guy, a mall security guard, the question, "What do you wish for this Christmas?" And he answered, "I wish that everybody has a pleasant day."
A pleasant day. Very simple, and very appropriate. Also, very selfless.
And that's what I'll wish for today too. With or without any survey results.
I hold this to be true: the best leaders are not famous.
When I asked a class to talk about someone they considered a great leader, all of them identified leaders in history, or famous business personalities. Names like Gandhi, Trudeau, and Trump were mentioned. Then they asked me whom I considered a leader.
I said my grandfather is a great leader.
In North America, hardly anyone knows my grandfather. But he was a visionary, and he didn't brag about it. Decades after his passing, we're discovering how much he's contributed to the town he grew up in.
Actually, I told them, anyone could be a leader. The organizer of a non-profit organization, a school principal, a small business owner, and even your own mother, can be a leader.
You see, it does not matter how famous a person gets, or how high up an organization a person climbs. It is about how the person affects the people around positively.
So-called leaders like Trump and Iaccoca are always talking about themselves. "See what I've done. I'm a great leader." If they make mistakes, they blame someone else or the environment.
The real leaders don't even identify themselves as such. They just do what they think makes a difference. They apologize for mistakes they make - they are accountable. The don't take credit; they pass it on to the people who helped. They don't call themselves great leaders. Someone else will.
Why do I write about this now? The greatest leader (in my opinion) is Jesus Christ. He never identified himself as such, and he had a humble life. He never boasted about his greatness. Other people talked about it. That's why we know about the Messiah now.
My wish is to find and recognize the leaders in our midst.
Now why would I be wishing for stress? Because I figure it's one wish that's certain to be fulfilled.
What I like is the relief after the stress. That relief wouldn't exist without the stress. Just like a sunrise wouldn't exist without the darkness before it. Or a painful muscle that is stressed by a massage feels better later.
I just finished writing a paper, and it was a long slog. Now that it's done, I want to celebrate. But there is more to be done. When I am stressed, I let out a Charlie Brown "aaarrrgh!" Or a Chewabacka "aaarrr!"
Homework added to the stresses of preparing for Christmas, and running a business that needs a Christmas rush to stay afloat. Imagine my additional stress today when the snow came down again, keeping customers away from my business. Ah, what a dismal day it was!
Woody Allen wrote: "There are two kinds of people in the world, the miserable and the horrible. The miserable are alive. The horrible are dead. Aren't you glad you're miserable?"
What we don't see, unless we sit down and think about it is that stress and relief are connected. One is not evil. Even the Lord gives a lot of stress to those He loves.
Today, Sunday, my pastor was not apologetic for revealing the stress the Lord gives him. Part of the church was flooded, and not even because of burst cold pipes. My brother just waited hours for his flight to leave because of snow. A Japanese restaurant owner just told me, "So few customers today - very bad." Suddenly I have fellow miserables.
So unless it is too much for your heart to take, stress isn't really that bad.
One thing that does not stress is the knowledge that a promise for the arrival of a Messiah is going to be fulfilled in 4 days. Imagine for thousands of years, entire lifetimes, people had suffered and waited in hope for the birth of the Christ. What a relief when Jesus arrived! That's why there is a celebration!
And when I get a chance to get out from under this mound of activities, I will think about that first Christmas Day. Sorry, guys, I'm too stressed to reflect on it right now! Relief will probably come on Christmas morning.
Yesterday, I spent some time with my brother before his operation (which went well, by the way). We recalled the weirdest things of our youth. Believe it or not, we do have some silent Super-8mm film showing how he kept his hands in his pockets during a family vacation, so that he wouldn't go shopping. (Note to self: must find out how to convert it to digital).
In the last post, I also talked about family traditions. I just recalled one that went missing because of circumstances.
Back in the old country, my parents with us 9 kids (and spouses and grandkids) would head to the mountains just after Christmas and come back just after New Year. It was a nice tradition that allowed our family to enjoy some time together. Most times, our cousins were also vacationing and so we had lots to do together. We explored the market, took boat rides, horseback trails, tried the new restaurants and gawked at the latest electronic gadgets at two shops run by East Indians.
In the middle of this vacation, my mom asked us to do something different for a change. On my younger brother's birthday, December the 30th, we were to spend an hour reflecting on the Bible reading of that day together. There was some sharing and occassional crying. This went on for three years every 30th of December. We began to notice though that the readings were the same, and so we were regugitating our own stories. (Sounds like a joke about monks I know.)
Then on the fourth year, it was over. Not because we said it was uncool or we got busy. That was the year, 1984, that the family would never be complete again. One by one, three of the eldest kids (me included) and my two brothers' spouses left the old country to go to North America and Europe. We went to look for better jobs.
That Christmas was sad for all of us. Those who got left behind made us audio tapes of Christmas carols and messages. Our usually emotionless father was very serious in his message, and had to stop the tape twice to compose himself. I hadn't seen this side of him.
Now, when you think about it, that is the problem of a huge family. When we go off on our own, chances are we could not be complete again on an occasion. It wasn't all that bad. We got as close as just one person missing. And so it has been now for 24 years. We get to visit each other. And we cherish every opportunity to be with siblings and our parents.
My wish is for one real complete reunion. It may never come true, but we can dream about it.
Tonight I was asked for the millionth time by another of my kids, “Where are we celebrating Christmas?”
I have several siblings living nearby. We have always celebrated Christmas Eve dinner at one of our homes. The kids have a chance to spend time with their cousins.
This year we started a new business, and that has us ill-prepared for this Christmas dinner. So, we’re still not sure what to do.
And yet, when we get together for Christmas dinner, we simply share a meal and a prayer, and everybody is off doing something. The kids play video games and the grown-ups chat. Why do the kids like to do this when they can hang out anytime of the year?
I think when we start something and repeat it year after year, there is comfort in an event that is scheduled and expected. Family traditions are made of those events. And even if they could be repeated throughout the year, somehow getting together for Christmas has a different feel to it. We’re together and we look forward to it.
My wish is that we continue to follow family traditions, even though we’re too busy to prepare for them. I guess we’re ordering in this year!
Michelle Nichols had it made. She was a regular contributor to Businessweek. She had a lucrative speaking business. And she has a loving husband and daughter.
What she doesn’t have is her son Mark Steven.
Mark Nichols died unexpectedly ten years ago from brain cancer at the age of 8. Michelle felt that she didn’t hug him enough while he was with them.
And so, Michelle gave up her column and the speaking business to work full time on a simple message: “Hug Your Kids Today!”
I met Michelle online when I commented against a sales style she suggested in her regular “Savvy Selling” column in Businessweek. She responded and I had been subscribing to her emailed column since then. Last year, she stopped sending those bulletins. The next time she emailed, she was calling it quits and wanted our understanding and prayers. Not knowing what to make of it, we just did.
And now she promotes hugging kids, in memory of her son. The focus is not on a ‘work-life’ balance, but a priority: Put your family first and your work a close second. Her website is www.hugyourkidstoday.com.
Some people think she’s crazy to let a successful business go. Others admire her courage.
I happen to believe in her advocacy. One of the campaigns is a “National Hug Your Kids Day”, which is the third Monday in July. And you can help. If you can get a billboard company to sponsor just one billboard that day with the message, that would be great. Last July 21, 2008, there were 135 billboards in the USA with that message.
My wish is for us to hug our kids as often as possible. TODAY! Even if they appear to tire from it, they really don’t.
As I shovel out the driveway in the latest snowstorm, I am ignoring a huge wooly mammoth. Not a real mammoth, of course. I’m still thinking about the economic climate (See Day 1: Waking Up in the Middle of the Night). Who isn't?
My brother has posted a comment on the Day 1 blog. He too is worried. And it got me thinking about going with the same topic. Years from now, I'll look back at this year's 12 wishes to recall this defining time in world economics.
Tonight, I heard a song at my daughter’s Christmas concert that I hadn’t heard in ages. My wife and I found ourselves singing along with it, even though the song’s theme is relatively sad. And it reminded me of a Christmas in the early 60’s.
It must have been ’63 or ’64. My parents sat us five brothers just before Christmas and told us about some hard times. They said it was not a good year for business. So, we were going to have a less than grand Yuletide celebration.
They weren’t kidding. Instead of a tree, we had construction paper pasted on a wall to look like a Christmas tree. Christmas Dinner was like a regular meal. Despite the mood, Santa still managed to give us some simple gifts on Christmas morning.
And playing on the old record player was my father’s favorite Christmas album: “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” with the Ray Conniff singers. Chances are even you have heard that high-reverb 60’s style music in an elevator or department store at Christmas time. The main song medley included Let it Snow!, We Wish You a Merry Christmas, and Count Your Blessings.
Count Your Blessings (Instead of Sheep) is from the 1954 film “White Christmas” and was sung by Bing Crosby. The words are simple and appropriate for these times:
If we’re worried and you can’t sleep,
Just count our blessings instead of sheep
And we’ll fall asleep counting our blessings.
And if our bankroll is getting small
We’ll think about the time when we had none at all
And we’ll fall asleep counting our blessings.
As kids we wondered what “worried” and “bankroll” meant. But we sang along with the Conniff medley without really understanding it. How interesting that we should learn about these words the hard way.
Now let me shift to Admiral James Stockdale for a moment. Bear with me and I will make the connection with the above discussion.
Admiral Stockdale became well known as the bumbling candidate in the 1992 U.S. Vice Presidential debate. When you view his "Who am I?" segment in Youtube, you will feel uncomfortable.
Stockdale was a decorated war hero, and not a public figure. He was a great writer and an inspiration to his troops, and he was a horrible debater. He was an educator and a leader, and he suffered from dementia until his death.
After author Jim Collins met Stockdale a few years ago, he was so taken by the paradoxical nature of this person and his ways, that he put together the Stockdale Paradox. During his 8 years as a prisoner of war in Vietnam, he kept his fellow prisoners alive by admonishing the optimists: “We’re not getting out by Christmas; deal with it!”
The Stockdale Paradox goes:
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties.
AND at the same time
Confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
And here is the connection. We must confront the brutal facts of this economic situation, and at the same time, have faith that we will prevail in the end.
Optimism prevents us from confronting the facts, and so does worry. Having faith that we will prevail in the end is not necessarily optimism either. It is a belief that if we work on it, our collective effort, and Divine Providence, will give relief.
Counting our blessings and retaining faith takes away worry. We need the Stockdale Paradox in today’s economic climate.
My wish for today is for all of us to realize we are more blessed than we think.
Everyone is a critic. And there are a few who think they know what’s right for you.
And even if they are correct, the manner in which they tell you what’s wrong is not really constructive at all.
In many cases, they just complain and then tell you what to do. “You know what’s wrong?” is usually followed by “You should…”
The difficult critics are those who pretend to think only of your welfare, or pretend to like something. And then they use the word “but”. From the tone alone, you can tell the word “but” is about to come.
Before I wish for an end to insincere ‘constructive’ criticism, I think I should look inside myself. That’s because I’ve been a horrible critic too.
Even though I know I shouldn’t meddle, I do. I could let my emotion get in the way. I could criticize because of spite, and not of concern. I know I should use the word “and” instead of “but”, and I forget. I know I should sandwich the criticism with a person’s value and contribution, and I omit.
If I’ve stepped on anyone’s toes, then I apologize. My wish for today is to be more considerate when I think I want to give negative feedback.
When I was young, I enjoyed Christmas cartoons and shows that are today classics. These include, “A Charlie Brown Christmas”, “Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer”, and of course “It’s a Wonderful Life”. More new Christmas specials have been added for our annual viewing pleasure.
But the classic shows are fewer and far between. Now that we are older, a different set of Christmastime stories are emerging. They are edgy and try to appeal to all ages. But most of their themes are the same. Someone will save Christmas. People fall in love or are reunited. Someone realizes the true meaning of Christmas (but it doesn’t involve Christ).
I would like to share three of my favorite recent Christmas stories on media that come with a twist. I love these stories because they are new, and they get people to think and be moved.
Warning! The following paragraphs contain spoilers – plot twists – that you may not like to read about if you are planning to view these shows somehow.
The first story is quite a simple one, from the only Christmas episode of a cancelled TV series called Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. This series is a behind-the-scenes look at a production of a live show similar to Saturday Night Live. In this episode, the producers search frantically for a performer after a well-known artist cancels. What they found is “the City of New Orleans”, a band of brass instrument performers. Some of them have been displaced by Hurricane Katrina.
Many TV viewers emailed and called into NBC for a copy of this performance of “O Holy Night”, which is by far the best that I have heard. Many viewers, like me, were moved to tears when we watched for the first time.
The second story is from the TV series “House”. In the winter 2007/8 episode called, “It’s a Wonderful Lie”, an arrogant Dr. Gregory House examines a pretty young woman with a serious rash around her face.
He determines that the rash is caused by hair – donkey hair. When he suggests that she stop whatever unusual thing she is doing and apply an antibiotic cream, she hands him a leaflet. Naughtily, she smiles, “You should see the show.”
It is Christmas Eve, and House shuns the socials once again at the hospital Christmas party. He appears to wander aimlessly the cold streets of Chicago. He happens upon a church and decides to enter. After he sits himself in the crowded pew, a Christmas pageant has begun.
Playing Mary and riding on a donkey is his patient. Her face now clear of rashes, she smiles sweetly and thankfully at Dr. House. And in a rare moment, Dr. House manages to smile too.
The third Christmas story is in a movie simply called “Joyeux Noel” or “Merry Christmas”. It is available on DVD but very hard to find. It is based on real events during World War I, in the trenches of France on Christmas Eve, 1914.
In this story, Berlin supplies small Christmas trees with candles to the troops in the front lines, which they set up on top of the trenches. As the Germans begin to sing “Stille Nacht” (“Silent Night”), the Scots and French listen. The Scots accompany the melody with bagpipes, and all are singing the carol in their own languages.
They all begin to poke their heads out of the trenches, lay down their weapons and join in no man’s land for a ceasefire of sorts. Eventually, they celebrate mass together. The next morning, Christmas morning, they play soccer, share rations and bury their dead.
This story really makes you think. These enemies shared the same beliefs but are required to fight each other. They have a little or no chance of survival in this bloody war. Even if they do survive, they would have to face death for collaborating with the enemy, an act of treason. War is senseless. But for one brief moment, celebrating the birth of the Christ, these enemies exhibited a sense of humanity.
My wish is for great Christmas stories that don’t have to include presents, Santa Claus or snow. The stories above can appeal to a younger (than me) audience. They help make the Christmas message relevant in today’s world. They test our perceptions and solidify our beliefs and principles. They may not become classics, but they are memorable.
I had no intention of waking up that early. I was not startled awake, nor did I sweat. But I saw in my head a series of images and thoughts like a DVD playing on fast speed.
First I thought about my brother who passed away three years ago. A feeling of loss immediately followed that mental image.
Then I thought about another brother who needs medical attention. Then, I wondered how my parents are doing back in the old country. I peeked at the digital clock. It ominously showed "4:44". Why am I worrying?
Then, my thoughts immediately drifted to my young venture. What was I thinking when I bought into this business at this unusual time in world economy? I was worried about the bleeding of cash and the next source of credit.
This uneasiness in the middle of the night is going on in millions of North American households. Close to one and a half million Americans have recently lost their jobs. Countless businesses are not making payroll. Confidence is at a low.
By then, I was wide awake. As these negative thoughts rush through my head, I continue to be on a roll. I should have been depressed. But something stopped me.
It was a voice in my head. It was my own voice - very vivid. The last time I heard it this way was 16 years ago as I uprooted my family from another country. The voice said the same four words: "Everything will be alright."
A feeling of calm took over me. I was no longer afraid.
Why do we wake up in the middle of the night worried? Psychologists consider this a symptom of depression. But author and public speaker Dr. Wayne Dyer believes it is the call of "the Source", his term for all references to God or a supreme being. He may be right. There are many stories in the Bible where God calls on his people in the middle of their sleep.
So, I believe the reason for waking up in the middle of the night is to listen for a message. But what is the message? What does God want to tell me? What do my thoughts on overdrive give insight to?
If my message was of calm, God sure chose to create a storm before delivering it. I will not conclude that this is the message. But whatever the voice - my voice - told me seems to be just that.
Relaxed, my new demeanor was interrupted by a snore. I looked over to my wife who was fast asleep. And I knew where my priorities should always be. Within minutes, I was also asleep.
Three hours later, and wide awake, I was in church with my daughter. Like tradition, during the homily, she put her hand over mine just to see how much bigger her hand has grown. That moment is precious. That is our moment of calm.
My first wish for Christmas is calm. Calm will help us weather the storms, and bring back confidence. Calm communicates to our loved ones that there is more to life than the rough patches we go through. Calm is the mood of this Yuletide season.
