Day 11: Two Months

Wish 11: My health

Last summer, I found myself asleep and awake at the wrong times, as if I had jet lag. I was irritable, and it wasn't because of the heat. I was a real grinch. I lost patience with everyone around me – my family most of all.  I was, in technical terms, a douchebag. I'm still apologizing for that time.

One month earlier, I was asked by my doctor to see her. Something was wrong in my blood tests. My blood sugar shot up to over three times the safe limit. I also had to see the cardiologist the next day. Two cardio experts sat me down and told me the bad news. I have Type II Diabetes. I had to start taking insulin, or the excess sugar will shut down vital internal organs.

What they told me next was a wake up call. If I didn't do anything, something "serious" would have happened within two months. "Serious" is a Doctor's kind term for "critical". My mind was paraphrasing the good doctor: "If you don't start with insulin, you might die within two months." Two months? Sixty days?!

The action plan was a no-brainer. I had to start insulin to bring down the blood sugar levels. But I also had a lot to think about. The bottom line is, today I am living on borrowed time, for which I am thankful.

Which explains those mood swings last summer. My body had be going through wild changes. I lost a lot of weight. My eyesight went from nearsightedness to farsightedness and back. And a body that was used to too much sugar, was now being starved of sugars. That varied my sleep cycles and moods. I know now what it's like to get the bends, or to become pregnant. 

I found myself doing unnatural things, like deliberately stabbing myself in the stomach for insulin twice a day, not knowing which was just going to pinch, and which was going to hit a nerve. Every time I did that, the only motivation I had was to be there for my family. To live 'til I'm old and grey, and caring for grandchildren that I still don't have.

My family had to adjust to this new reality. My wife still hopes that I can be off insulin, but I know and accept that this is for life. The doctor assured her that insulin dependence is not defeat. It is a solution that allows us more time together.

Perhaps the biggest adjustment is happening inside my head. I'm alive today because of someone else's vigilance. I am able to write this today. I am able to think as if I have a new lease, and I have to treat every day as a blessing. And I have to recognize and be thankful for where that blessing ultimately comes from.

Nevertheless, I should have been stronger last Summer. I should have been more patient with myself and my family. I have adopted the lesson of the first wish this year: to only say things that could stand to be the last thing I ever say.

In the past six years of the Twelve Wishes of Christmas, I have not wished for anything for myself. This time I will. I wish to be healthy and live until I'm old and grey, and caring for grandchildren that I still don't have.