Day 12: Merry Christmas, Canada

Wish 12: OK to say Merry Christmas

When I first started Twelve Wishes of Christmas in 2005, I was saddened by the push for political correctness for this season.

"You shouldn't say, 'Merry Christmas'! The more inclusive greeting is 'Happy Holidays'."

I explain, hey, I'm Catholic. Can't I greet people based on my faith?

They said, yes, but then I would have to greet people on Kwanzaa and Hanukkah, too. Also, I might hurt the feelings of Moslems, Hindus, Confucians, and Atheists. Happy Holidays, I was told, was very neutral.

How did December 25th suddenly insult people? Don't they know that that suggestion alone insults me? Whatever. Happy Holidays.

A few years earlier, these politically correct people created an anti-Christian rhetoric. A Member of Parliament from British Columbia spoke up and demanded that "God" be stricken from the Canadian Constitution. Not only was it voted down, the MP was demoted within his party.

Since then, all the symbols of Christmas and Christianity were attacked. Christmas trees in Post Offices. Nativity scenes on municipal buildings. Blessings in inaugurations. Prayers during invocations. I couldn't believe what they could think up next.

People got tired of political correctness when the Governor General suggested last year to make O Canada! gender neutral. That was the last straw. People wanted to be themselves, and say what they feel, without hurting other people's feelings.

In a poll two days ago, 3 out of 4 Canadians said they prefer "Merry Christmas" to "Happy Holidays". Hooray!

One person who did not worry about political correctness was the late Charles "Sparky" Schulz, cartoonist of the popular Peanuts comic strip. The Charlie Brown Christmas special from 1965 remains one of the most popular cartoons that tells the true story of Christmas to kids.

I am happy to greet everyone a Merry Christmas, because I mean it. If you greet me Happy Kwanza, Happy Hanukkah, or Happy Holidays, I will also fondly accept your greeting, because you mean it too. If we all in our hearts mean to greet each other in our own way, how can we insult anyone?

Merry Christmas!

Day 11: Two Months

Wish 11: My health

Last summer, I found myself asleep and awake at the wrong times, as if I had jet lag. I was irritable, and it wasn't because of the heat. I was a real grinch. I lost patience with everyone around me – my family most of all.  I was, in technical terms, a douchebag. I'm still apologizing for that time.

One month earlier, I was asked by my doctor to see her. Something was wrong in my blood tests. My blood sugar shot up to over three times the safe limit. I also had to see the cardiologist the next day. Two cardio experts sat me down and told me the bad news. I have Type II Diabetes. I had to start taking insulin, or the excess sugar will shut down vital internal organs.

What they told me next was a wake up call. If I didn't do anything, something "serious" would have happened within two months. "Serious" is a Doctor's kind term for "critical". My mind was paraphrasing the good doctor: "If you don't start with insulin, you might die within two months." Two months? Sixty days?!

The action plan was a no-brainer. I had to start insulin to bring down the blood sugar levels. But I also had a lot to think about. The bottom line is, today I am living on borrowed time, for which I am thankful.

Which explains those mood swings last summer. My body had be going through wild changes. I lost a lot of weight. My eyesight went from nearsightedness to farsightedness and back. And a body that was used to too much sugar, was now being starved of sugars. That varied my sleep cycles and moods. I know now what it's like to get the bends, or to become pregnant. 

I found myself doing unnatural things, like deliberately stabbing myself in the stomach for insulin twice a day, not knowing which was just going to pinch, and which was going to hit a nerve. Every time I did that, the only motivation I had was to be there for my family. To live 'til I'm old and grey, and caring for grandchildren that I still don't have.

My family had to adjust to this new reality. My wife still hopes that I can be off insulin, but I know and accept that this is for life. The doctor assured her that insulin dependence is not defeat. It is a solution that allows us more time together.

Perhaps the biggest adjustment is happening inside my head. I'm alive today because of someone else's vigilance. I am able to write this today. I am able to think as if I have a new lease, and I have to treat every day as a blessing. And I have to recognize and be thankful for where that blessing ultimately comes from.

Nevertheless, I should have been stronger last Summer. I should have been more patient with myself and my family. I have adopted the lesson of the first wish this year: to only say things that could stand to be the last thing I ever say.

In the past six years of the Twelve Wishes of Christmas, I have not wished for anything for myself. This time I will. I wish to be healthy and live until I'm old and grey, and caring for grandchildren that I still don't have.

Day 10: Still Waiting

Wish 10: Survival of Small Businesses

Three years ago, in the Christmas of 2008, we had a white Christmas in Vancouver! It was exciting for the kids. Our eldest went skiing. The middle boy went tobogganing with friends just a block away. Our youngest made snowmen in the backyard, while the dog was trying to get through snow barriers.

My wife and I didn't really enjoy that snow. It was too much! It snowed heavily four times in ten days. And the very next day, that white snow would turn to cold mud. After Chrismas Eve dinner, the lights went out because power lines went down. We slept in a cold house that night. Every morning, we had to dig out the car. And every evening we had to find parking up to three blocks away from the house.

There was another reason we couldn't enjoy the snow. We were working at our fastfood restaurant in the mall. For the entire month of December, seven days a week, the mall hours were extended. We had to be at the stall for twelve hours a day - at least I did. It was difficult to determine demand for our cuisine two months after markets crashed in the USA. And it was hard to find people who can work the extra hours.

So, everyday up to the 24th, I went to the restaurant at 9:00am and closed the shop at 9:00pm or later. My wife would finish her day job and work with me in the evenings and weekends. I would hire and train people so that I could continue teaching and consulting. It was tiring, and we still had low sales that December because of the snowstorms.

We can't blame Mother Nature for our situation. It is part of the perils of working for yourself (or in this case, for the franchise company!). We asked the other stores, "how are you doing?" And all of them, without exception, said they were doing well. They were lying, of course. Nobody wants to admit that they are suffering, more so if they are trying to sell a struggling business. It was the big secret everybody knew: small businesses were in pain and they couldn't reveal that they were.

That was three years ago. We thought, "2009 will be better", and it was worse. We thought, "I'm writing off 2009 and can't wait for 2010." But it only got worse. The normal sales levels were 50% of what they were before the recession... and dropping. We gave it up in 2010 after the Harmonized Sales Tax made sales drop another 10%.  By the end of 2011, about 1000 restaurants will have closed down in Vancouver alone.

The other day, I went back to the same mall. It was evening and I remembered that the stores would be open late. I went to the Deli store for more Black Forest Ham. I was surprised to find the owner, and not one of his employees, tending the store, alone. A courteous Middle Eastern man, he thanked me for my business and proceeded to close early for the evening. As I turned, the food court was completely empty. It reminded me of those long evenings waiting for no one to come for dinner.

Small businesses are the lifeblood of any neighbourhood. Whole cities in the United States begin to look like ghost towns, as soon as businesses close down. In Canada, small businesses are the employers who give new immigrants a chance when the big companies say they want Canadian experience. They are also the most regulated for their size. It is difficult for a small business to do well with countless barriers and threats created by big companies, government, regulatory bodies, competition, suppliers and the economic climate.

Many entrepreneurs are throwing their savings into keeping their businesses alive in the hope that economic recovery is around the corner. Three years in, that recovery is still elusive... like a target that keeps moving backwards. I have already been wishing for that recovery for years.

So my wish is for today is easing regulation and reducing threats to small businesses. We need them to keep our neighbourhoods economically fuelled. I know there will be more entrepreneurs in the future, but I pray that those who have already started their helpful businesses will survive this economic slowdown.

Day 9: It Doesn't Matter

Wish 9: What Matters Most

Several years ago, my wife and I had an argument. It was early evening and we were raising our voices.

Before we knew it, others in the house were affected. Our daughter was sitting quietly in the other room. She did not like what she was hearing. At the far corner of the kitchen, our dog, Chickey, a scrawny Pekingese was cowering behind a chair. Even the dog knew something was wrong.

"Have you walked the dog?" my wife asked our daughter.

"Not yet," she replied.

"Then walk the dog."

"No. Let's all walk the dog."

Still peeved, I called the dog, "Chickey! Where's your leash?"  Chickey looked up, ears on alert. I asked again, "Where's your leash?"

Chickey sprung up and rushed to the front door. She started nipping at her leash. Even in anger, you couldn't help but smile at this sight.

My daughter was excited too. She put the leash on Chickey. The dog was jumping up and down in anticipation of opening the door.

It was a nice cool evening. We walked quietly. I did not speak with my wife, and she did not speak with me.

The quiet was interrupted occasionally by my daughter telling the dog to quit sniffing any rock and post. "Come on, Chickey! Let's go!"

The minutes passed, and our footsteps echoed through the streets. There was a calm that descended upon all of us.

The dog's silly antics and our daughter struggling to take control over her disarmed us grownups. How nice to be a kid again, I thought.

Then, Chickey finally found a good spot, and did her thing on the grass. We let out a collective: "Ew!" I picked up the steaming by-product in a plastic bag and we started back to the house. It's old, but toilet humour still makes us smile.

Then, we decided to take another, slightly longer, route. My wife pointed out a house under renovation, "Look, it's almost finished." I agreed. It was painted in the colour combinations she really liked, if only our house had wooden beams. I was thinking how she loved those colours. I believe she was dreaming about that, too.

Then it struck me. What were we arguing about? What was it that got us to raising our voices at each other. I guess it didn't matter. We just forgot about it.

My daughter was now ahead of us, trying to pull a reluctant dog back into the house. Then, I held my wife's hand. We didn't look at each other. We didn't need to say anything or say sorry. And we didn't have to talk about the argument, because we forgot what we were fighting about.

So, whenever we get into an argument, those words will come up: It doesn't matter.

What matters most is that we love each other.

Day 8: Companies Behaving Badly

Wish 8: Good Ol' Customer Service

Have you ever heard the expression, "stick it to the man?" It means getting back, taking revenge or protesting someone or something, usually a big entity like a corporation or the government.

There is a lot of that expression going around. The Occupy Wall Street movement, which pioneered the other Occupy protests in major cities around the world was sticking it to the man. In this case, the "man" was Wall Street companies and their executives that took self-interest and greed to the limit, at the expense of Main Street – the small businesses and regular people. The "man" also happened to be the government that bailed those sleazy financial institutions out to prevent a recession, which happened anyway.

Many people are against the tactics of Occupy movements, and their lack of a cohesive message. However, the phenomenon displayed a side of society that has kept quiet and just couldn't take it anymore. Protest and unrest is a democratic tool to force accountability.

And it seems to be true that many big companies have gone too far. In an effort to keep shareholders happy, cost cutting includes deep cuts in personnel. This leads to lack of confidence, which leads to decreased spending.  An economy that doesn't grow, or shrinks, is in recession.

Those who still have jobs have to work twice as hard to keep them. Service is impacted. All those nice mission statements look like a single word – profit – or in some cases – survival.

In Canada, customer service is hard to find the bigger the company gets. All the telecom companies, without exemption, keep tired and irritable customer support staff. There is no easy way to standardize good service because it is not a profit centre.

Airline companies are also in trouble. With lesser ridership and cost cutting to support reduced prices, service is only as good as the occasional helpful flight attendant. No wonder many frequent flyers identify with Alec Baldwin's callous behaviour on an American Airlines flight, even though he was wrong.

When Netflix divided its DVD and online services, customers revolted. Netflix had the first mover advantage, and was the market leader until that point. No amount of apology and explanation could quell the outrage, because customers could tell what a greedy action looks like.

I have found myself complaining to a company every few weeks. A big company that hit me with extra charges because of negative option billing stuck to its story, because it is protected by that long customer agreement we usually just click "I agree" to. A credit card company keeps calling and not leaving a message because it is their policy to speak to someone before they start the sales pitch. It is rude and unapologetic. I won't take it anymore. After 18 years with that credit card, I'm letting it expire. I'm sure you, the reader, have been hit by bad corporate behaviour that is just within the limit of what is allowed.

Big companies have to find their way back to the days of enthusiastic filling station attendants and courteous store clerks. People do appreciate good service. Even if businesses make mistakes providing stellar service, they will be forgivable. Good customer service is never a cost. It is an opportunity to connect with the customer.

Without the emphasis on the customer, people will want to stick it to the man – usually by taking their hard-earned money elsewhere.

Day 7: The Classroom of One

Wish 7: Leave No Child Behind

Does this happen to you? You are driving and you turn on the radio. After choosing a few stations, you hear something you like, and then you stop surfing. But the next song is not so appealing, and you are surfing the stations again. Why can't a radio station play only the songs you like?

There is an online music service, available only in the USA, that will do just that. It is called Pandora. It will track the songs you like to hear, and then suggest new songs that you might like from the same music genre. It is customized to your taste.

I'll come back to Pandora in a moment. I'd like to talk about an inspiring movie first.

In 2010, the film The Blind Side, was nominated for an Academy Award, and its lead actress, Sandra Bullock won an Oscar. The Blind Side follows the real life story of Michael Oher, an offensive lineman for the Baltimore Ravens in the NFL, as he transitions from a dysfunctional upbringing to professional football through the support of Leigh Ann and Sean Tuohy.

Michael had an impoverished upbringing. He was one of twelve children of Denise Oher, who was an alcoholic and a crack cocaine addict. His biological father was in and out of prison, and was murdered while incarcerated. Michael went into foster care at the age of seven. He joined with the wrong people, and he was hungry and homeless many times.

His education was difficult as a result. He repeated the first and second grades. He attended eleven schools in nine years. When Leigh Ann Tuohy took him in, he was almost illiterate. She had to get him a tutor 20 hours a week, just to catch up.

In the film, he was portrayed as someone who could not fit in a classroom environment. His grades were dismal, and he was not motivated to learn. In one scene, an instructor believes that he is intelligent, but has difficulty showing it given his limited exposure to the world of learning. He functioned in the street language of poverty and survival. When the teacher tries to use that language, he relates, and shows that he can comprehend.

People have different thinking and learning styles. They have preferences in learning new things. Several years ago I experimented on delivering the same course material to a group in three different methods, to appeal to three different preferences for learning. When I started with lecture, some were attentive, and others were looking past me. Then I switched to an engaged discussion, and a different set of people began to shine. Finally, I ran a game, and all, except the lecture-lovers, were engaged.

Some researchers say there are four major learning styles. Others believe it is up to 16 styles. In our growing complex world, there could be as many styles as there are students.

In a post-secondary classroom, in an auditorium of 150 students, there will only be one method of instruction - lecture. Many classroom courses in high schools were designed similarly: Use a common method to deliver learning to everybody; if they don't like it, then too bad. That's why drop-outs exist.

Now, back to Pandora, the music service. What if a similar programming was used in education, to appeal to different learning styles. Content would be geared to speak the language appropriate for the particular student - to be customized for each student. The program could determine the next lesson and method of delivery for the child, based on how that child responded to previous lessons. Does such a program exist?

It so happens that a customized program exists. It is a pilot project called School of One in New York City, where thousands of kids share Michael Oher's situation. The School of One tries to use technology to efficiently customize education for every kid in every classroom. It aims to help teachers do their job more effectively. What a great use of technology - to not leave any child behind in their learning!

Learning is my passion. So, I am excited to read about programs that equalize education for all kids, especially those disadvantaged. Moreover, I love innovation and how it benefits our lives. It is too early to say that School of One is successful. But any attempt to properly educate our kids, anywhere in the world, is an investment worth making.

Day 6: What Your Facebook Profile Picture Says About You

Wish 6: Real Friends

Try this. Use the title of this blog to search in Google. What you will get is tons of pages about how so-called experts interpret your Facebook profile picture. Here is a sampling.

There is a whole category for 16 year olds who take the picture of their reflection in a bathroom mirror. They try to appear to be too hot to handle. One blog calls them desperate because a friend didn't even oblige to take their pictures.

People in close-up views, hiding a part of the face, are considered trying to look mysterious. Black and white pictures = artistic wanna-be. Pictures of persons as younger, or even babies = nostalgic, wanting to relive the good old days. Pictures of their kids = family guy or girl, whose recent accomplishment is changing a nasty diaper. Picture of cat = girl without a boyfriend. Picture of dog = guy without a boyfriend. Wedding picture = "Look, girlfriend, I'm taken and you're not!" (No decent husband will post the wedding picture).

The most comprehensive roadmap is from Fast Company. I'm an engineering graduate, so I like this graphical representation.

The regular picture, from the waist up, looking at the camera, and smiling - is probably the safest. That makes you a regular, well-adjusted person. Then again, it is "boring".

None of these interpretations are flattering. Maybe we shouldn't put faces on Facebook. Maybe I should un-face.

There is so much fuss over the profile picture. I've heard these said about the profile picture. "Can you take my picture with the background blurred?" "I want look like..." "I'm too fat here. Photoshop me to look thin." "I can't find a good photo, let's just put in a graduation picture / a cartoon / our pet / our kids / our family / our whole high school batch..."

What this tells me is, maybe, a lot of us are just too insecure about our appearance. We shouldn't have to worry about first impressions. After all, we are 'friending' only our friends, who accept us for who we are. Right?

But wait, is that counter of 1028 friends really correct? Let's examine some statistics. The average number of friends in Facebook is 130. However, kids 13-16 have on average 450 friends. 22-year olds have over 1000. As the Facebook user's age gets higher, the number of friends drop. The average of 130 is common in people in their thirties. By the age of fifty and higher, the average number of friends should be under 100.

So, is there a correlation between the fabulousness of the profile picture and the number of friends? I doubt it. What I am concerned about is that younger people are accepting and asking to 'friend' people they barely know.

Is there a numbers race among young people? Are they accepting any friend request? Are they inviting any  connection of friends of friends they can find? Aren't they concerned that these hundreds of friends include really malicious people who are out to defraud them, or rob their house when their status says, "Sunbathing in Waikiki! Woohoo!"?

I have 200 Facebook friends. I also have over 30 requests to be friends from people I don't know, or hardly know.

I would like to make three important statements here, that I hope the 1000-Friend'ers will consider:

1. I don't mind what Facebook profile picture you use, as long as I recognize I have befriended the right person. You look good to me no matter what you look like in your picture, because you are my friend.
2. I am careful not to accept all friend requests, even from people I just met. It is not to be aloof or anything. I just want to get to know you better in person so that our online connection will be valuable.
3. I don't want my friends to be part of a numbers game, because that would mean I am just one of those numbers in your game.

I wish people would make real friends, whether it is online or in person.

Day 5: Regular Kids and Riots

Wish 5: Moral Compass

What are the top international stories of 2011? For sure, Steve Jobs' passing and the Japan earthquake and tsunami are in there. So are the deaths of Osama Bin Laden and Moummar Ghadafi. There is an economic crisis in Europe and famine in Africa. Not everything was death and bad news. We saw a political change in the Middle East, the Occupy Wall Street and its worldwide protest, and a grand royal wedding.

Closer to home, Vancouverites have voted for their top news story. It is likely going to be the Stanley Cup Riot.

Why is it such a big story, considering what is happening elsewhere? Well, Vancouverites love their city. It has been voted most livable city in the world for many years. They are proud of its hospitality during the 2010 Winter Olympics. So, they are not happy about a bunch of hooligans besmirching its reputation!

But, these rioters weren't hooligans. They were regular citizens like you and me. But after a few drinks and losing a hockey game, something aside from a fire ignited. They changed into monsters.

How could this be? Were these roiters defiant kids who don't have a chance to express it because of a city's prim and proper reputation? Were they avid players of popular violent games who did not separate fantasy from reality? Or were they attention-hungry anonymous online trollers that finally had a chance to exhibit how they hate everything that other people like?

We'll never know why ordinary people become rioters. One thing I believe they don't have is a good strong moral compass. How do I know this? My kids were there too.

My two sons were in the middle of the crowd that went wild. They knew what was going to happen and they moved away. But not without the curiosity of watching how bad things can get. In one high definition photo, my second son was just two feet away from a wanted rioter, just before hell broke loose. I remembered texting them constantly. They wanted to get out, and I had to drive into the city to find them, and we got the heck out of there.

It was like a test for my wife and me, as responsible parents. Did we raise them right? I know we've made mistakes as young parents, but we never wavered on what's good and bad. From the age of 12, our kids were on auto–pilot. We could not download morality to them anymore. They made their own decisions. They explored their value systems. They make their own destinies. We prayed that we taught them well in their first 12 years.

So here is my own conclusion. I believe my kids did the right thing because they know the right thing. Even if they might drink, or play violent online games, or happen to mix with the wrong kids, they will still know the right thing. I firmly believe they have a moral compass. It is the voice of their parents in their heads, like the voice of my parents in my head.

If we ever failed to be there or give the right advice, we're sorry. But we will always love our children, and we are not ashamed to say that everyday. Maybe it was knowing that love ... which kept them safe that night. We are proud of our children!

Day 4: Come On, Say, "Sorry"

Wish 4: Sincere Apologies

When a dog puts up a sorry look, you know it's cute, and your heart melts. Also, a dog can only be sincere... it does not know about deception.

Why do so many people apologies look phoney? I think it's because we can see through the deception. They are only pretending to get your sympathy - pretending to look like the cute dog.

As Jean Giraudoux said, "The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made."

Public apologies by public figures look that way. They are scripted. Celebrities are coached to look into the camera and fake sincerity. Many public apologies are not even conscientiously initiated. They are reactions to getting caught doing or saying something very wrong.

Here is how we train our kids to apologize.

"Danny, say sorry to Mark!"

"I didn't do anything!"

Loudly, "Say you're sorry!"

"I don't want to!"

"Come on, say 'sorry' already!"

Half-heartedly, "I'm sorry!"

"Say it like you mean it!"

Submissively, "OK. I'm sorry."

Sounds familiar?

Danny just learned how to say sorry just to shut his mom up. He did not connect the apology to hurting someone's feelings. Danny also learned three more things: (a) it is humiliating to say sorry, and (b) when you say sorry, you're the loser, (c) if you don't mean it, you are less humiliated, and less of a loser.

Yet for those who apologize sincerely, there is a feeling of cleansing - of a heavy weight lifted.

We have to teach our kids about how to say sorry, so that they do not grow up and hurt feelings - especially the people that they love.

How?

First, we have to make the connection between the cause and the apology. Secondly, we should talk about the value, and not the humiliation, of saying sorry. Third, model the apology. If you made a mistake with your child, show them how you say sorry sincerely, and still keep your stature as parent.

Let's apply the above principles:

"Danny, did you see what happened to Mark?"

"No, and I don't care!"

"Look at Mark. It looks like he's ... sad."

"Yeah, he's a sad crybaby."

"He's your friend, right?"

"Yeah. But he's just being a baby."

"Why? Aren't you buddies? What happened?"

"Well, I was just teasing him, and he got sensitive and stuff."

"Well, if he teased you, wouldn't you feel bad too?"

"I... I guess so."

Pause, "What do you think you should do?"

Looks at Mark. Then, thoughtfully, "What do you think, mom?"

"Well, when I was young and I hurt my friend's feelings, I said sorry. It wasn't easy, but our friendship was more important than a silly argument. Then, when I said sorry, I felt good, and she felt good, too. We're still good friends today."

Long pause, "Maybe I could say sorry."

"Maybe..."

"Uh, Mark. Hey, about what I said. Uh, I'm sorry."

Notice the three stages.

First, have the child look at the situation as an observer. The child must conclude that he or she did something wrong before getting to the next stage. Don't volunteer the cause and effect - the child has to realize this by him/herself.

Second, talk about the bigger picture, such as a strong interpersonal relationship. Again, the child must conclude that the value of that relationship is bigger than the hurt.

Third, talk about the resolution. Finally, the child must conclude that an apology is needed. Since children may not know this resolution outright, make sure you model it, through story or what you might do yourself.

If you're lucky, the apology happens in the same session. If not, give it time to stew in the child's mind. Eventually, he or she will make the move.

My wish today is simple: that we model sincere apologies to our children. But if we didn't get that training when we were young, then by reading this blog, you'll understand the value of the sincere apology and start using it.

Day 3: Cliché? Touché!

Wish 3: Communicate, Not Impress

In an effort to stand out in the crowds of job seekers and job keepers, people are adopting clichés like mottos, taglines and sound bytes.  ...Until we can't stand those phrases anymore.

Career Builder asked 5000 employees what buzzwords they are tired of, and here are the top (or bottom?) ten:

10. Elevator Pitch. When you bump into people who love this phrase, they rattle out this well-rehearsed short speech, but can't talk about much more.

9. Value-add. When used as a verb, you know no real value is added - just lip service.

8. Bring to the table. If something is for consideration, just say so.

7. Mission-critical. Studies show customers don't really care about mission statements. So, a key activity doesn't have to be called mission-critical.

6. Incentivize. What's wrong with motivate?

5. Best of breed. Are we livestock?

4. Loop me in. Why not just speak plainly: keep me in the loop, or keep me informed.

3. Synergy. It's even overused in hip-hop dance groups and glee clubs.

2. Low-hanging fruit. Not only is this cliché, whoever uses it could be considered opportunistic.

And the number one phrase that should not be used today is...

1. (Thinking) outside the box. It's so overused, you'll wonder what's wrong inside the box.

Inside the box is not that bad.

I'd like to add my own list of most misused phrases.

Initiative. When people say they take the initiative, it is really because they are reacting to something. Have you noticed how many earthquake initiative programs happen after an earthquake?

Beyond a shadow of a doubt. This means, there was a doubt, and I'm trying to convince you there wasn't.

As a matter of fact. This means, it is not factual. This is only used to make people believe when you have doubts. Have you noticed that scam and chain letters start with: "this really happened"? If it is factual, don't say it is.

Too happy, or too much fun. No one can be too happy, unless of course if they are on drugs.

At this point in time. What's wrong with the word now?

Pass with flying colours. Because colours do not walk or run; they fly. Seriously just say passed.

Shoot from the hip. Can't somebody just be candid, or straightforward?

And, last but not the least....

Last but not the least. Someone or something has to be last. There is no need to make excuses for putting it there.

So, at this point in time, as a matter of fact and beyond a shadow of a doubt, thinking outside the box, I am too happy to bring to the table today's wish: I wish people would just communicate instead of trying hard to impress.*

*To shorten, everything between "So,"and the colon can be eliminated.

Day 2: Those Sexy Defiant Catholics

Wish 2: Wait it Out

Years ago, a porn star agreed to talk about her life and the industry on an afternoon talk show.

She was eighteen, very pretty, and dressed provocatively. She was very sure of herself. She enjoyed the shocked looks in the audience's faces. The host offered help, but she wanted to stay in the business. People were passing judgement; they were appalled. Nothing could sway the porn star: she just got started in her career, and she loved the attention and the free publicity.

The porn star was raised Catholic. Her parents were divorced when she was five.

She was being defiant. And she learned quite early that shockvertising is great for one's business. To make this publicity point, the title of this blog should have brought in more readers than usual.

The porn star showed the classic signs of ODD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, or in simple terms, the "angry defiant child". What she was doing on the talk show was saying, "look at me now, mom, dad!"

ODD is not uncommon. Defiance happens in one out of four teens. ODD happens in one out of 9 sixteen-year-olds.

Apparently, the right conditions bring about these wild changes. In this example, a strict religious upbringing that was not modelled by the parents. There is also divorce, and worse, child abuse. And what a swing from squeaky clean to dirty, dirty, dirty!

The wrong things happen when the teen's actions cannot be reversed. What the porn star did, for example has a permanent mark on her reputation. And all those teens who took their lives just to make a point, well, it's too late.

There are, however, famous Catholics who became defiant, but thankfully not over the edge.

Madonna was one of them. She wrote about her defiance in her songs, such as Papa Don't Preach, and Like a Virgin. She wore the now classic conical bras, which are sharper than the tail light fins of a 1959 Buick.

Lady Gaga is another defiant artist. One of her albums was considered blasphemous, and her hit Born This Way appears to attack the Church's stance on homosexuality.

Madonna and Lady Gaga are so defiant, they push the limits of the industry. They shock, and in return, they get publicity. But the biggest secret is that they are really concerned and charitable.

They became famous during their formative adolescent years, so they were still searching for meaning – the same thing every teenager goes through.  Now, they are both involved in many charities. They care about kids and other causes. The received the rewards of their fame, and make it a point to share the rewards. At least they didn't go over the edge before they finally figured things out for themselves.

That porn star has finally figured out what she wants to do. She is now an actress, but she can't shake her colourful history.

One of the important stories of the New Testament is about a sinful woman washing Jesus' feet with her tears, and wiping his feet with her hair. It illustrated that Christ is willing to forgive.

If God can forgive, surely we can delay judgement about people we are not comfortable with.

Day 1: Shining Eyes

Wish 1: Caring

I know you're busy. But take 3 minutes to read my blog, and 20 minutes to watch a presentation on video, and you will be transformed.

By the end of this, not only will you realize that you like classical music, you will also be compelled to say something nice to your loved ones.

This video has at least five valuable lessons. Lessons in music appreciation, contrasts, passion, presentation, the use of story, connecting with your audience, and connecting with your loved ones are in this one-third of an hour video. It will be worth your while during these holidays.

I'd like to start talking about the end of the video. Consider this resolution: "I will never say anything that couldn't stand as the last thing I ever say."

What does this mean? It simply means that anything I say could be the last thing someone else hears. How many times have we seen people on TV regret that they didn't even tell someone who is gone how much he/she was loved?

This is a lesson from a Jewish survivor of the Holocaust. She criticized her baby brother for losing his shoes while they rode the train to a concentration camp. That was the last time she saw her brother. Her brother never survived.

Now that you know the ending of the video, you should still watch it. Like a story, this excellent presentation has a beginning, a middle and an end. Be part of this journey. See the whole video from beginning to end.

Benjamin Zander, the guest speaker, is the conductor of the Boston Symphony Orchestra. His passion is to help people understand and love classical music. And he did a great job at this event. He got 1600 people to be moved by Chopin's Prelude in E-minor - some even to tears.

This is not the Gettysburg Address, or Martin Luther King Jr.'s I have a Dream speech. But it is considered the one of the best, if not the best speeches of all time at the annual TEDx conference. (TEDx is a meeting of the brightest minds in technology, education and design.)



So what are shining eyes? Shining eyes are what you see when you have caught the interest and admiration of people. To an instructor like me, shining eyes are like applause.

Have you looked at your loved ones with shining eyes? Have you also said something that could stand as the last thing you would ever say?

My wish is caring. Caring enough to say things that could be remembered, and could make eyes shine.

Sixth Year of "Twelve Wishes"

"Peas on Earth"

Hello. This is the sixth year of this blog. Since 2005, I have posted 60 wishes and their related stories. I hope you enjoy this year's 12 wishes of Christmas.

Please send in suggestions for wishes. Come back every day from December 13 to December 24 to read a new blog. Thanks for reading!

Day 12: Retelling the Story

Wish: Tell the Christmas Story

One of the biggest frustrations in marketing is trying to get the message out to people. Blogs like this are about 95% likely not to be read.



Reading to kids is a great way to connect with them. In many cases, books for children also teach valuable life skills. In the past five years, I have been fascinated by the power of story-telling in business communication. I believe it enhances the messages that I deliver. In my classes, even international students with limited English skills listen and react. You can get kids to stop what they are doing with a good story.

So, my wish is to have parents read to their kids or tell the story of the first Christmas. It bears explaining. Why was Christmas such a big thing to the shepherds and to the Magi? What does it mean that the saviour of the world was born in a location only fit for animals?

And here, for those who forget to reflect on this time of year, is my way of getting this message through to you, in the age of short attention spans, social networking and online video.



Merry Christmas, everybody! Tell this story at least once during this Christmas season.

Day 11: Thousand-Mile Reunions

Wish 11: Bring Them Home

Barry found his biological father through a game show and the help of a stranger.

Last May 2010, I was lucky to bring Barry's story to Vancouver, to a group that needed to know that they were not alone in dreaming of family reunions.

Watch the ABC News Video.

Today, Barry's feel-good story just got better. Not only did he go back home to see his fiancee and daughter. His family is also approved to come to the USA.

Christmas is the time many other families are pining to be with their loved ones from thousands of miles away. Temporary workers leave their families to work in the Middle East, Canada and many other countries. Refugees from Asian countries also dream of seeing their displaced loved ones again. American and Canadian troops in Iraq and Afghanistan count the days until they have a chance to reunite with their families.

I wish that families could be together this season. Just bring them home, Lord.

Day 10: You Want That When?

Wish 10: Good Planning

It's just days to Christmas. And it is just amazing how many people want something done before Christmas.

The construction of our new office building has been delayed, several times. Now it's crunch time. We have to move in and operate by New Year. There is no other option because we have to leave our temporary office before the year ends.

There were months when construction went at a snail's pace. But now that there is a drop dead date, the construction site looks like a scene from Extreme Home Makeover.

Deadlines are always around in our business life. Unless everybody has good work discipline, we humans are likely to work harder closer to the deadline. Look, I'm posting this at 1:30am in the morning. You can tell when something is going to be delayed. If you ask, "How is that project going?" they will answer, "It's 95% complete". Hogwash.

Having more time won't even help. Parkinson's Law briefly stated is: 'work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.' Extend a deadline by 5 days, and it will be completed at the last moment on the 5th day.

The Christmas season is even worse. All the deadlines seem to be on the 24th, because "people will be on their holidays". That includes your deadlines for work and school. Personal care, like haircuts, increase just before Christmas. So does shopping and partying and drinking. No wonder people go nuts this time of year.

Imagine a world where people planned well and were disciplined enough to balance their workload to complete on time. "How's that project going?" "It's on time." (Cue the singing cherubim.)

"But what if this unforeseen event happens?" "I've thought of that. It's taken care of." Sigh. I could celebrate Christmas without guilt.

And that is what I wish today.